Fishing :)

Brenden and I have been trying to take one day out of the weekend to go out and just be me and him away from the city, away from home, just to be together! We really needed the time alone and so we decided to go fishing to Pine View Reservior up Ogden canyon. It was a lot of fun, I had gotten a bran new fishing pole and didn't get one bite on it! (Lucky.....) But Brenden got a couple bites, and caught one little Blue Gill. It wasn't even two inches long so we let it go, and we didn't get a bite for the rest of the day! We had a lot of fun though being alone with eachother. It gave us a chance to really remember how much we really did love eachother. I'm not saying that we don't love eachother, but it gave us a chance to really take the time to let eachother know that we love and care for eachother! It was a lot of fun!!!

Bowling.....

Me, Brenden, Des, Dad, Frank, Justin and Heather went cosmic bowling! Four hours of nonstop bowling, and being entertained by Frank and Dad. Only because of the fact that they had a tid bit too much to drink...... And forgot how to bowl! Infact, I'm pretty sure they forgot what bowling was! Anyway..... It was tons of fun.... Almost got in a fight with a midget that called me fat and walked away... But didn't let it effect the fun night we were having.

WARNING: BOWLING WITH FRANK AND TRAVIS MAY CAUSE YOU TO GET IN A FIGHT, DRINK TOO MUCH, FORGET HOW TO BOWL, NONSTOP LAUGHING, AND AN ENTERTAINFUL NIGHT! :)

Trying so hard......

Don't you hate it when you are giving everything you can in life, you think that it's good enough but nobody is treating you like it? You help people, you go to work, you do everything that everyoone asks you to do.....But still it doesn't seem like enough. I'm struggling right now as it is, trying to make Brenden happy, but I am expected to make everyone else happy at the same time. Which I know...Everyone has to deal with that.... Big deal! But I don't know what to do. And I don't have anyone to turn to but Brenden, and even he doesn't know what to say. Stress is a main factor in my life right now, and it seems to be taking over my life. I've never been so stressed out in my life, and things have never been so chaotic. I feel like I need to work 12 hour days at work just to make ends meet because we're not making it right now! And I know we have to learn how to do this sooner than later, so why not now? I just think we took on too much at one time, and now we're just trying to figure out what to do. Which is fine, because I enjoy spending this experience with Brenden, and I look forward to having more experiences like this with him because we have to learn somehow. But I just feel like I'm treating the people around me like shit, and I know that they don't deserve it and it's pushing them farther and farther apart from me. And I don't want that. Brenden and my family are the most important people in my life right now and all I can seem to do is push them away. And right now the mood that I'm in, it's really hard to say my sorries and forgive myself for what I have done! So I just need to figure out what to do and how to do it but before I can do that I need to figure out how to help myself. And I know that I can do it, I'm just sorry that in the process I'm hurting my loved ones and I just want them all to know that I do love them, and that I am sorry.